i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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