first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
