There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
