Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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