He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
