I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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