my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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