thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
