By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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