I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There's always time for handjobs
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
