Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
