He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
