he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
