I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
