his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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