she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
