I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
