Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
