Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
