This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
