There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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