when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
NoShamevember. You game?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
A+ Viking dick
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
