Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
