What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
