there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
