just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
