Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
