You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
