Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
