ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
