Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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