I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
