i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
