note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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