Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
