porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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