haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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