I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
