Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I look better un-naked...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
