You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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