2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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