i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
