while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
