I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
