We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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