dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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