areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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