How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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