nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
