this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
